Solar Question of the Day from Celtic Devotional by Caitlin Matthews
25th of November:
To whom do you need to show more sensitivity?
Well, I waited and I waited and I thought. My first response was, myself. The next thought was how others would find this as a way to look outside of themselves to pretend or to aspire to tell everyone how much they do not do or think about self. I can and I do understand about not being self centered. I do not agree with murdering the self. God gave us our self. I believe in cultivating it. Sometimes cultivating self means realizing that one doesn’t find it good for self to think only about self and not of others. I can see that.
All I could think though, was hell I’m an empath and it is rare indeed for me to have a moment where I am not knowing or feeling or doing another. I have not much self on certain days with certain perspective and it creates resentment and depression. The flame of my candle being at the whim of others’ breath. I try to express this to others, hoping to find someone who can identify. So, that I can stop ripping myself to bits over it. When I say that ….or …. is treating me like a doormat, I am arrogant, how DARE I?!? And part of my insides do that to me too.
So, I stick with being more sensitive to where I am, and what I am doing, and what I think that I need. I stick with being able to identify what I think I need and finding out if I really do need it, what sparked the desire and a root cause.
In turn, I believe that doing this, IS being more sensitive to those around me, because I’m less likely to explode, I’m less likely to treat them in the manner which I so dislike myself.
Maybe it is about attempting to find out what living in grace and dignity are for me, and insisting upon it.
what if by cutting off those that are bad for me IS being sensitive to them, I do not require them to change, I simply isolate me and move away. This isn’t seen nor valued as the gift it is, I’m just called a bitch with no feelings. I think I am sad that people have NO idea how sensitive I am.
I sigh and I still don’t have a solution for this. I could be looking again for the light switch. Broken, click, not broken. 😀 (how’s that workin for ya honey?)